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For Immediate Release    -    Office of Media Relations    -    October 10, 2003    -    1:55 PM (EST)

The REAL Jack & Emma Claire Edwards EXPOSED! Learn the SHOCKING Truth the Kerry Campaign Wants Kept SECRET!

Jack and Emma Claire Edwards. You'll find them front and center at every campaign stop their ambulance-chasing daddy makes – waving the flag, giggling, and smiling for the TV cameras like a gypsy organ grinder's flea-bitten monkeys. It's impressive stagecraft, to be sure – designed by DemocRATS to convince Americans they're watching cherubic little angels. But don't let Jack and Emma Claire's blond hair, blue eyes, and eight-figure trust funds deceive you! These liberal rugrats are as ill-behaved as ghetto-dwelling trash!

Read below for specific, real-life examples of why more and more Americans don't want these screeching, sass-mouthed monsters anywhere near George W. Bush's White House!

CAMPAIGN TRAIL EYEWITNESS ACCOUNTS OF JACK & EMMA CLAIRE EDWARDS
10.14.2004: L. Gray writes: "My niece used to babysit for these brats. They both wet the bed...or whatever they happen to be sitting on when they get angry. They have killed every family pet they have ever owned and they sued my family for sending them to bed early, and won a $350,000 judgement. This would be the extreme case where abortion is OK!"

10.08.2004: Suzanne Lipton writes: "My 13 year-old son Tommy was having a perfectly nice time at the Wendy's indoor playground, when who should come in but Jack Edwards. Tommy called out 'HI THERE!,' and Jack looked over and waved. But then when Tommy was nice enough to share his knowledge of wrestling in the form of a friendly body slam demonstration, that ungrateful Edwards boy returned the favor by screaming and crying like a fat little wimp!"

10.02.2004: Branford Williams writes: "I bumped into Emma Claire backstage at a Teamsters rally her old man was addressing. She looked awful cute and nice, but when I offered her a Tootsie Pop, she hoisted that snooty little button beak of hers up in the air and said, 'I'm not apposed to take candy from strangers!' So I was all, 'Hey whatever, Princess Perfect. Why don't you save the attitude for Dick Cheney when he whips your prettyboy daddy's ass next month?!'"

09.23.2004: Pam Scott writes: "They were in the park near where their father was going to give a speech, and I was there excercising my two darling Pitbulls: Satan and Fang. Well Jack and Emma Claire were playing with a perfectly dog-friendly tennis ball, but were so rudely self-absorbed, they didn't even ONCE invite my little sweeties to play fetch. And honestly, that's why I wasn't exactly feeling sympathetic when Fang shredded Jack's pantleg to ribbons and Satan chased Emma Claire into an overgrown tangle of nettles and poison oak!"

09.15.2004: Irene McCourtney writes: "I had been standing on the curb for three whole hours, holding my sign high so that John Edwards would see it when his campaign bus pulled up. Well wouldn't you know it, when it finally came, the only people who even looked out at me were Jack and Emma Claire, and instead of at least showing some appreciation for my effort, all those thankless little beasts could do was whine and blubber about how 'ascared' they were of my glossy color posters of aborted fetuses!"

09.12.2004: Steven Clark writes: "I work in an Applebees outside Milwaukee, and I bused the Edwards' table today after they came in for lunch. So you can believe me when I tell that Emma Claire and Jack a) didn't eat the crusts on their grilled cheeses, b) WASTED tons of ketchup, and c) left mad nasty sticky handprints all over the booth and napkin dispenser. I mean, so what if they look like they jumped out of a Norman Rockwell painting? There's no doubt in my mind that those grimy little creeps both have worms out the ying-yang!"

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