10.14.2004: L. Gray writes: "My niece used to babysit for these brats. They both wet the bed...or whatever
they happen to be sitting on when they get angry. They have killed every family pet they have ever owned and they
sued my family for sending them to bed early, and won a $350,000 judgement. This would be the extreme case where
abortion is OK!"
10.08.2004: Suzanne Lipton writes: "My 13 year-old son Tommy was having a perfectly nice time at the Wendy's indoor playground,
when who should come in but Jack Edwards. Tommy called out 'HI THERE!,' and Jack looked over and waved. But then when Tommy was nice enough to share his
knowledge of wrestling in the form of a friendly body slam demonstration, that ungrateful Edwards boy returned the favor by screaming
and crying like a fat little wimp!"
10.02.2004: Branford Williams writes: "I bumped into Emma Claire backstage at a Teamsters rally her old man was addressing.
She looked awful cute and nice, but when I offered her a Tootsie Pop, she hoisted that snooty little button beak of hers up in the
air and said, 'I'm not apposed to take candy from strangers!' So I was all, 'Hey whatever, Princess Perfect. Why don't you save
the attitude for Dick Cheney when he whips your prettyboy daddy's ass next month?!'"
09.23.2004: Pam Scott writes: "They were in the park near where their father was going to give a speech, and I was there
excercising my two darling Pitbulls: Satan and Fang. Well Jack and Emma Claire were playing with a perfectly dog-friendly tennis
ball, but were so rudely self-absorbed, they didn't even ONCE invite my little sweeties to play fetch. And honestly, that's why I
wasn't exactly feeling sympathetic when Fang shredded Jack's pantleg to ribbons and Satan chased Emma Claire into an overgrown tangle
of nettles and poison oak!"
09.15.2004: Irene McCourtney writes: "I had been standing on the curb for three whole hours, holding my
sign high so that John Edwards would see it when his campaign bus pulled up. Well wouldn't you know it, when it finally
came, the only people who even looked out at me were Jack and Emma Claire, and instead of at least showing some appreciation for
my effort, all those thankless little beasts could do was whine and blubber about how 'ascared' they were of
my glossy color posters of aborted fetuses!"
09.12.2004: Steven Clark writes: "I work in an Applebees outside Milwaukee, and I bused the Edwards' table today after they
came in for lunch. So you can believe me when I tell that Emma Claire and Jack a) didn't eat the crusts on their grilled cheeses, b) WASTED
tons of ketchup, and c) left mad nasty sticky handprints all over the booth and napkin dispenser. I mean, so what if they look like
they jumped out of a Norman Rockwell painting? There's no doubt in my mind that those grimy little creeps both have worms out the ying-yang!"